This attraction to mass and games condition such as having for self and not-having for others, is a sore point. Because of the addiction to certain mass levels, knowingness gets entirely turned off outside those frequencies. Because of the addiction to the experiential patterns of games (rules, winning, having, losing, making progress, persistency of field and parts) the restoration of knowingness cutting against the persistency of games leaves the being drained out of havingness, sitting like a balloon that has expanded so much that it's color is gone, stretched thin into translucency. No conquests to make or wins to create for, no experience to resist, is a dim state for many beings, who feel they are nothing if not causing something to happen on some level or another.
KNOWINGNESS permeates all levels, but below the frequencies of positive emotion it convolutes into disguises of itself. Solids become mandatory because reality is a retreat from confronting, making things invisible or black, and ultimately DUBBING IN OTHER THINGS to perceive.
Above confronting is simply experience, an easy transition when one is confronting without force or effort. Willing to be another and experience him/her is the ultimate resolution to any barrier or problem with him/her.
But in order to experience one must discover the WILL TO ADMIT CAUSING which is responsibility in its full sense. It must not be confused with the WILL TO BLAME SELF or the WILL TO REGRET which are deathful mockeries of the same willingness, and this confusion is made more likely by the semantic uses to which responsibility, the word, is put. The person responsible in the D.C.. area is the one who gets shot from guns 'because he was found to be responsible.' The more humorous truth is that no-one in the entire Federal government was responsible, in the sense of a self-determined willingness to admit cause over a zone. The party HELD responsible is the party least able to DEFEND SELF AGAINST BLAME.
‘Needing to defend self against blame' is not the definition of responsibility. Knowingness at the level of blame is a death-like croak of a computing machine chewing on punch-cards, casting about for some piece of mechanical 'reaction' that it can pass off as 'information'.
The way out of this awful spiral is fairly easy although it has some uncomfortable moments. It consists of pursuing with personal intent the opportunities to EXPERIENCE; failing that, to CONFRONT. It consists of pursuing the WILL TO EXPERIENCE EFFECTS AND CREATE EFFECTS that are REAL on a gradient of ACTUAL experience ( not 'I could bomb the bastards' ). It consists of a dedicated program of releasing dub-in, blackness, and invisibility (as variations of resisted experience) into confronted and experienced realities for which one is willing to accept Cause status. Auditing or other kinds of personal, disciplined communication between self and helper are invaluable in this process but it can be done bootstrap style. You will know when you are making it because even in the black shadows in the darkest pits of the forest of Self there will be a sense of honesty and confront and refusal to flee. As long as that is there, you are on the groove.