This section is to use if you find yourself being critical. (By "critical," I do not mean assessing something in order to choose, I mean find things wrong with another person or other persons.)
If you find yourself being critical then the first thing to realize is, that whether or not the things you find wrong with the other person are there, or did actually happen, or not, the sense of wrongness comes from you. You are judging.
When you think the critical thought or say the critical message to another you are defending yourself.
You are defending yourself because you have done something that the other might consider is wrong and you are not sure whether or not that person has found out.
It can be an unpleasant feeling of righteous anger or the impulse to beat someone to a pulp or the impulse to make the other person less by finding fault with them.
Making them less seems to make what you did feel less important and so less wrong.
To help reduce this feeling and the effects on you of these actions sit down with paper and pencil and
1. Write all the things that you have DONE to that person that they might consider are wrong.
2 . Write all that you have done to that person that you feel you must hide.
3. Write all that you have done that you or anyone else could consider is wrong. EVERYTHING!
DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT IT IS. WRITE IT DOWN. NO ONE IS WATCHING
Now ask yourself
4. When, and What did someone say or do (or didn't say or do) that made you wonder whether or not they knew what you had done? Relax and be willing to know and the answer will come to you. Write it down.
5. Did anyone else say or do anything that made you wonder whether or not they knew?
6. Find all those people that you feel may have nearly found out. Find out what was said or done that made you wonder if they knew or not. Write it all down.
When you have done this and still feel a little unhappy about the person realize that a similar thing may have happened before so stay with the idea of having done things you would rather hide and that are not definitely found out and find an earlier similar time.
Handle this time in the same way as the first.
Keep finding earlier times and handling them until you feel much better and have no desire to be critical of the person or persons in question.
Realize that the very same reactions are at work when someone else is being critical of you!