Firstly, feel the pain. Write it out as fully as you can. Find what you expected to happen that didn't, and/or what you didn't expect to happen that did!

The feeling of hurt comes from a perceived separation from love. It comes from expecting something which you felt was a need or a want, and it was not given. It comes from expecting another to be, or to feel, or to do in a certain way toward you, and having them be different from your expectations. It feels like a break in trust. It feels like a fracturing of self esteem and self love. At root, it is a break or interruption in your agreement about how things are, a break in communication, or a break in the closeness that you felt with someone.

It is the suddenness or the unexpectedness that actually produces the hurt. Realizing fully what the break was, that it was a fracturing of agreement, of communication or of closeness with someone can miraculously restore your clarity about your actual condition.


1. Was it a break of agreement?
2. Was it a break of communication?
3. Was it a break of closeness or feeling of love with someone?
4. Was it a break in understanding?

5. Which ever you decide that it is reaffirm that that is what it was.

Ask yourself whether there was an earlier time that you experienced a similar hurt. If you find one, feel the pain of the experience, write it down, and identify it as above. The resulting clarity is greatest when you have found the earliest example of a particular kind of break.