Indecisiveness

Processing has a lot to do with getting things completed. One way of looking at that is that we have some open questions and we need to close them with some answers.

With answers I don't particularly mean analytical explanations. I mean, balanced experiential completion. You seek a certain learning and when you find it, it becomes part of you, something you feel and know and act with.

The main way of going about this is to first formulate the question. Or, the Outcome, that is another way of saying it. We start out by finding out what it is we are doing, what is needed, what is desired, where are we headed. That will give us a direction to work towards and it will also give us a way of knowing when we get there.

A process is what goes on during the open loop that starts with formulating an outcome, while one works on the issue, and until one closes the loop by getting a satisfactory match for the desired outcome.

A process generally takes some time. Maybe short, maybe long time, but it does take SOME time. The question is opened, some activity takes place to work on it, and the question is closed with an answer.

If this process gets interrupted, it naturally doesn't finish. A question is left dangling.

There are several ways of not finishing an open loop.

You might change the question along the way. That might happen because one forgets what one started with. Like, a facilitator might unknowingly change the question, because she wasn't clear on what it was in the first place. Or, it might happen because the client gives some different answers and the facilitator starts producing questions for those answers.

If the facilitator is indecisive about what we are doing, it easily becomes a mess. Keeping track of the loop of the major question we are working on is one of the key things the facilitator is there for. It is not complicated, don't get the wrong idea. It doesn't require any fancy knowledge. It is simply that the facilitator needs to stay focused on what it is we are focusing on, even when the client drifts off occasionally.

While you are still trying to find out what the question or outcome is, in the beginning of the session, you will take all the client's answers or statements and try to synthesize them into what it is she is talking about, what it is that she is asking without knowing it. If she states right away what she wants, then it is real easy. But very often clients don't know what they want. So, first step is to help them find out what they want.

But, once you have found what the major question is, what the person wants, what her desired outcome is, then you work on it. You don't casually change the major question from then on. You might change techniques, you might ask all kinds of questions, and so forth. But the underlying major question would remain the same. At least until such time when it is complete, or we lay it to rest for now, of we get hold of something much better and we cancel the pursuit of the previous question. But none of that is done causally or unknowingly. The facilitator must know exactly where we are at.

This is one of the biggest differences between a master facilitator and an only marginally successful facilitator. It is how well you formulate the desired outcome and stay centered on it, no matter what else changes along the way.

It is a skill it would be very advantageous for the client to use by herself in her life too. The ability to be clear on what one wants and to stay with it, no matter what changes, no matter what distractions one gets. Keeping the question clear until one gets it answered, no matter what other attractive answers might pop up along the way.

An indecisive person isn't particularly any worse at carrying out her wishes. She just formulates fuzzy wishes, and she just doesn't stay with them long enough to notice the results. She changes her mind before she gets anywhere. She changes the question before she got an answer to the previous question.

Any honestly and clearly posed question or intention will start the wheels of the universe churning right away. The answer or the desired outcome is headed towards you like a Mack truck at the speed of light. All you need to do is to hold the intention and to keep working on it, and the result will get there soon enough.


Exercises

- Think of a question you personally are pursuing right now.
- Work with somebody else, helping them formulate a question that is active in their life currently.



Previous / Next / Contents